News is a nonprofit independent media publication. Your tax-deductible contribution helps support our research, reporting, and analysis. Good morning, chickadees! I thought getting married would resolve everything. It only complicated things.
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Ask a Queer Chick: I’m a Lesbian and Married to a Man I Don’t Love. What Do I Do?
I'm a 32 year old married man. My wife and I have been married for 10 years and together for She is from a small conservative town in the bible belt with very conservative parents. When we started our courtship my wife was a virgin with virtually zero sexual experience and only one serious high school boyfriend before I came along. She swears she never even masturbated! I had a bit more experience with a handful of partners. My future wife and I initially had a consistent and fulfilling, if vanilla, sexual relationship that—with some occasional masturbation—satisfied my libido. After the wedding this continued for the first couple of years in our relationship. Things gradually trailed off as they so frequently do , but we discovered that if we cracked open a bottle of wine and rented a couple of porn flicks for us to watch together, about once a week we'd have some good sex.
My wife doesn’t really enjoy sex. I suspect she might be a lesbian.
Not everyone is gifted with gaydars, that incredible ability to sense if someone is a homosexual just by one glance. But imagine this: what if you fall in love with a woman—and even marry her—without knowing that she is, in fact, a lesbian? Mind you, many a man has tied the knot with a lesbian without knowing. It is heartbreaking for a man to find out that he has a lesbian wife. Especially if that man is you. So how do you know if have a lesbian wife?
I am 41 and have been married to the love of my life for 10 years. We have three sons. Two years ago, my wife formed a close relationship with a lesbian friend, which became intense. She claimed she was merely supporting her friend through breast cancer, but I discovered text messages between them that were sexual in nature. My wife said she had wanted to find some "safe" excitement, but denied they had a sexual relationship. I gave her an ultimatum, the situation seemed to be resolved and the friend moved away. A year ago my job was under threat so we decided I should take a new job that meant living away from home. We agreed that the family would follow on. My wife became distant and now says that she had been suppressing her attraction to her friend with whom she has remained in contact , and feels she must now accept that she might be gay herself and can't rule out a relationship with this woman, who she has since admitted kissing.